I am now, it would seem, a numismatic.

How often do customers pay you in cash? I asked the lady in the bakery just the other day, “Almost all foreigners pay by card

A customer at the bakery paid me with a two-euro coin. It was French, and it had 1999 on it.

“Look after this coin,” she said, eyes wide with excitement, as she dropped the coin into my hand like it was a newborn baby. “Are we broke, then?” I quipped.

“No, it’s a French two-euro from 1999. It could be worth a fortune!” she declared, with the conviction of someone who’s been binge-watching Antiques Roadshow.

One of her clients — who presumably knew about coins — had spotted it in the change tray and told her to treasure it. “Very rare! Very valuable!” the oracle had proclaimed.

I turned the coin over in my hand. Indeed, it said 1999 and France. Perfect storm number two complete.

Now, there was only one responsible thing left to do. Panic. And Google. What awaited me was the stuff of a fever dream. Listings! So many listings! EBay auctions, Amazon offers. And the price quoted €3,000.

Three thousand euros.

For a coin smaller than a biscuit.

And because misery loves company, I asked AI for confirmation.

Big mistake.

ChatGPT thoughtfully informed me that, and I quote, “The value of a 1999 French 2-euro coin largely depends on its condition and rarity. If it is in uncirculated condition and a rare variety, it could be worth a considerable amount, potentially several thousand euros. However, if it is a common variety in circulated condition, it would be worth around two euros.”

Which is another way of saying, “Could be worth two euros, could be worth your house. Good luck!”

The internet, it seemed, had declared me rich.

But then a cold, hard fact rattled around in the attic of my brain.

1999?

That was the year the euro was introduced. Not in actual coins and notes. Those didn’t hit the public until 2002. A sneaky thought crept in: had we discovered a “lost” pre-launch euro? Some priceless relic? The Ark of the Covenant — but shinier and with a European Central Bank logo?

And oh, how I wanted the story to end there. To tell you that I’m now writing this from a beach hammock in Bali, sipping a cocktail called “Coin Collector’s Dream” and laughing at my former poverty.

Alas.

More research — and a polite but crushing reply from an actual coin expert — destroyed everything. “Short answer: it's worth two euros. Long answer: it’s worth 200 euro cents.”

Our little miracle? Worth about the price of a cup of coffee. And not even a good coffee. The Lost Ark? More like a Lost Cause.

He added “I don't know what's up with E-Bay and the like, but people there ask for absolutely unrealistic coin prices that should never be taken into account. Numismatic shops charge under five euros for the same coin, and that's in its uncirculated state,” he added.

Turns out, 59 million — yes, million — of these coins were minted. If they’re rare, then so is a supermarket plastic bag. And so I find myself richer only in wisdom, not in wealth.

No dreams of retiring early. Just two euros and a bruised ego. Lesson learned: when it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. And if you’re banking your future on loose change, you might just be the one who’s a few cents short.

At least I learnt a new word.