The Paralyzing Perfectionism of Martha Stewart

In an interview with Oprah Winfrey in 2000, Martha Stewart described herself as a “maniacal perfectionist.” You remember Martha Stewart, right? A woman whose career has spanned six decades. A woman who turned a Connecticut-based catering business into a billion-dollar corporation. Someone who has cultivated publicity-provoking friendships with a wide cast of famous characters: Donald Trump, Justin Bieber, Snoop Dogg. And most recently, a woman who, now in her eighties, appeared as the cover girl for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 2023.

Martha Stewart is known for her perfectionism, which she credits with her success. But perfectionism can also have a downside, leading to task paralysis. This is an inability to complete tasks due to anxiety or fear of failure. People with task paralysis may hang back from doing things or avoid tackling items on their to-do list because they don’t think they’ll be able to complete them according to the standards they have set for themselves. Or, they may feel that they lack motivation even to set those standards.

Psychologists have identified task paralysis as the downside of perfectionism. Rather than fueling our ambition and propelling us to succeed the way that Martha Stewart says perfectionism has done for her, perfectionism can sabotage us. It can cause us to avoid projects out of fear that we will disappoint ourselves. We will not live up to our perfectionistic dreams.

Others suffer from task paralysis, too. It’s a thing. I’m a writer, and as a writer, I sometimes spend much of my time on a self-sabotaging pursuit called not-writing.

My bouts of not-writing happen because I have an idea, an inspiration, a dream, a plan for a piece of writing, and I become convinced, down at the core of my writer self, that I will never be able to reproduce what’s in my mind on the page. I will fail. Disappoint myself. Prove myself a perpetual writer wannabe. Not a real writer.

When I have these low-down, concrete-scraping interludes of not-writing, I ooze through my day, listless as an unloved slug.

But I’m a writer, so at times like this, I turn to one of my heroes. The veritable mother-goddess of the craft: Anne Lamott. I hang on to her words as if they were her private love letter to me.

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people,” Lamott writes in her now classic book on writing, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life.

I imagine her shaking her finger at Martha Stewart as she says that.

I can hear her saying to Stewart, You are leading people right into the trap set by authoritarian parents, stern high school principals, and what some people believe is a judgmental, scorekeeping God. You are hurting people, Martha. Stop that.

Lamott describes perfectionism as something like muscle cramps. “They keep us moving in tight, worried ways. They keep us standing back and backing away from life, keep us from experiencing life in a naked and immediate way.”

That’s exactly the way I would like my writing to be described. As a naked and immediate encounter with the world around me. Wouldn’t that be glorious? It’s what some of the greats such as Walt Whitman achieved in their writing. It’s what the best poets offer us, peeling off their skin and showing us their insides.

But with that goal hovering out there on my horizon, I feel my writing muscles tighten.

Psychologist Parker Houston warns, “Trying to chase perfection is like sailing to reach the setting sun. You might feel that you can reach it one day, but it is always just beyond the horizon. Even the strongest wind in your sail would never cause you to reach it.”

Among those like Martha Stewart whose success has been measured by their level of wealth and fame, Steve Jobs may be an example of perfectionism’s potential to paralyze rather than propel. While his high standards surely led to the extraordinary success of Apple, Jobs lamented that his perfectionism often slowed his progress. He learned to rein in his drive, a discipline that eventually led to Apple’s mass market presence.

Perfectionism can be paralyzing. It can cause us to shy away from trying. It can lead us into a downward spiral of inactivity.

That’s what happens to me sometimes.